This & That, Ceci et Cela

“LAGOS- In December 2001, Rosalynn Isimeto-Osibuamhe and her husband, Emmanuel, had a typical husband-wife argument. Rosalynn wanted to visit her parents. Emmanuel wanted her to stay home. So they settled it in what some here say is an all-too-typical fashion: Emmanuel followed her out the door. Then he beat her unconscious and left her lying in the street near their apartment.  Isimeto-Osibuamhe, then 31 and in the fifth year of her marriage, had broken an unwritten rule in this part of the world: She had defied her husband. Surveys throughout sub-Saharan Africa show that many men, and women, too, consider such disobedience ample justification for a beating.
Not Isimeto-Osibuamhe. A university graduate and founder of a French school, she packed her clothes and walked out as soon as she got back from the hospital. So far, although her resolve sometimes wavers and she does not want a divorce, she has not gone back.”

That she does not want a divorce reflects that strong West African desire to be a “Mrs” not matter how miserable and life threatening that might be. Especially when backed by factors like this:
“By Nigerian standards, Isimeto-Osibuamhe said, her parents were progressive. Her father occasionally beat her mother, but he also encouraged his daughter, the oldest of seven children, to pursue her studies”"

And this:
“Even some women who are economically independent, like Isimeto-Osibuamhe, she said, are loath to divorce their husbands for fear of social disgrace”.

Even sadder is the shame victims feel about speaking up and the way they later alienate those who that they complain to because of residual shame of remaining in the situation. That element is global; We all know/knew someone in that situation.

A retarded-but-common-perspective:
“To Kenny Adebayo, a 30-year-old driver in Lagos, the issue is clear-cut.  “If you tell your wife she puts too much salt in the dinner, and every day, every day, every day there is too much salt, one day you will get emotional and hurt her,” he said. “We men in Africa hate disrespect.”

Somebody tell me this isn’t true:
“Nigeria’s penal code, in force in the Muslim-dominated north, specifically allows husbands to discipline their wives just as it allows parents and teachers to discipline children as long as they do not inflict grievous harm.”