Canada to McCartneys: lay off our seals!
Sometime yesternight, I paused by the living room where the TV was on and Larry King and Danny Williams (Premier of Newfoundland and Labrador province) yelled out “yo Geekette, you might wanna get in on this! You know, Canada, seal hunt, rancid rockstars a-wailing about banning it”? Hmm, the words “banning” and “seal hunt” kinda got me, because I don’t like hearing nobody telling anybody they can’t kill meat. You feel me? 100% Meatarian I am. So I sat in for a few minutes, then checked out the show transcript online for what I’d missed, and my summary, impresssions, recommendations of the gabfest:
FACTOIDS:
• Seal population currently at 5.8 million - wildly overpopulated, massive strain on the ecosystem resulting in lots of the seals themselves starving. This is not a conservation issue.
• Seals do eat fish and the eating power of almost 6 million seals far outstrips potential of humans overfishing the same fish. Seals eat about 8% of their body weight in fish each day, about 8-10lbs of fish per day. That’s about 3,000lbs per year. Per seal.
• Seal meat and oil are also consumed, not just the fur.
• 90% of all seals are killed by bullet, not clubbing.
• Department of Fisheries and Oceans estimates 4-5,000 people in eastern Canada rely on the hunt and the $20 million it provides to the local economy.
IMPRESSIONS:
Heather McCartney: Dumb f*ck Bizatch. Especially skilled at creating absolutely unrelated analogies such as:
” Well, you said earlier in your introduction that, you know, people have to survive on this and we really researched this because, you know, we did not want to come out here and start, you know, cuddling up to seal pups and saying “It’s terrible that you do this” if people are totally surviving on this. But it’s just not a fact, you know. It’s less than five percent of their annual wage. There are many other ways of earning it, you know. People once had Apartheid that was traditional, you know, slavery, putting children up chimneys. It’s totally inhumane and they could have ecotourism here” … “There’s no other justification on this. Why don’t you want that to happen? Why don’t you want to have peace talks? Why do you want to keep going to war and doing this to the animals?“
At this point I looked down and realized that my hand was red, itchy, and sore from the unrequited desire to bitchslap her with a seal. I mean, weaving apartheid, slavery, seals into the same phrase! Who wouldn’t feel warm and fuzzy in the face of such genius?
Paul McCartney: Dumber Bizatch (hence his partnering with another one). Illustrated use of too much money, too little brains (whatever’s left from the stoned years), and little to do. Given to majestic statements such as:
“It now — and the point about this is, in the international arena, Canada is known as a great country, a great people. And this creates a stain on the character of the Canadian people internationally” … “So we’re trying to look at all the sides of the argument, and we’re just trying to offer you, Stephen Harper, and the Canadian people a possible way out of this mess.”
Who the f*ck are you to offer a country a “way out” of an issue that is their own business not yours, a lifestyle that you know dick-all about; an issue that is highly regulated by international bodies, an issue of which transcripts show that you aren’t even in possession of the full facts? Imagine a menstrual blood clot itself talking about stains. My hand started itching again.
Danny Williams: Politician. Therefore expected puffery, PR-style answers, and starf**king. Was surprised to find mostly direct, if heated responses. Some tendency to slippery slope fallacy of argument (not that his opponents didn’t spew their own fallacies of emotional argument), e.g.
“But if you take the McCartneys’ arguments to the extreme that they’re willing to go, there will be no beef slaughter, there will be no pork slaughter, there will be no chicken slaughter, there will be no fish in restaurants, there will be no eggs, there will be no milk for children in school“.
Although he appeared to meander off-point at times, I saw his point in stating facts that support the position that the boycott is based on misinformation. E.g. that the IFAW, World Wildlife Fund, United Nations, and the International Society for Conservation reportedly find it humane. Also that since 1970, the seal population has tripled from 2 to 5.8 million seals, about 12 times the entire human population in Newfoundland and Labrador.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
• Say no to Cause-Wankers /koz-wan-kerz/, n. my definitive term for people with the exhibited tendency to push a crusade beyond point of reasonable discourse, usually without adequate research into facts surrounding the crusade or campaign in question. See below for contextual example. Acceptable alternatives: Crusade-Wankers /kru-saed-wan-kerz/
• Anytwat body under the guise of “celebrity” or stardom who adopts a cause and comes running to tell any nation how to live needs to put their money where their mouth is. E.g. for all their ado, I don’t see the McCartneys dropping yearly cheques to cover the potential $20million annual loss from stopping the hunt. Even if they did, it still wouldn’t automatically grant them governing rights, but its quite amusing to note how wealthy Cause-Wankers feel obliged to travel the world setting countries straight on how to live and spend money, while leaving their own wallets at home.
SUMMARY:
• In a show of solidarity to Newfies, I want a seal fur coat, so feel free to send one in the mail. I may modify it to fit in with my pimp fashion aesthetics, but I pledge to wear it everywhere possible.
• And if seal fat has been proven to have any sort of skin beautifying qualities, then throw in a jar of that too.
• Heather should stick to prosthetic-related causes.
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ROFLM(sorry)AO! You make me wanna run right out and free the working stiffs of the world. Interesting stuff.
Comment by NursePam — Mar 16th, 2006 @ 10:32pm
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